I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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