I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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