I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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