Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
