Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
