Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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