I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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