Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
