guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
