I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize