I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
