i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
