I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
