You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize