Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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