just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
