Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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