dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
