I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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