alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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