Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
