He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize