your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
