if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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