discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
