Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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