You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
