I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
