So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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