is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
