My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
