butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I love having hate sex.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
