I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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