i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
