Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
