You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
