My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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