Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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