if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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