So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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