I could have mohawked her pubes.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
