if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
