the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize