I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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