the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
