That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
