Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
