dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
