So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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