The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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