Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
