That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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