I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize