Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
