Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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