this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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