We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
