i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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