just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
