Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
