Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
