So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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