The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
