I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A bitchslap is in order.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
