these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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