3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
