Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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