I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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