Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
