take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
